“Fifty two weeks and none of you could take it upon yourselves to buy me a bottle of vodka? Or at least take away this virginity? Damn shame, have to blame pharrel for this insomnia. The year has been unreal and no I’m not high typing this you stupid boy. ” “That na word oh!” “Its been a wonderful year for music, upcoming artists I DONT MEAN YOU. born sinner will forever be blessed. The rest albums are best left in the recycle bin sorry kanye . On the issue of curving and light skinned girls, you guys really have to stop. We thirst because we care, stop curving innocents, reply your messages, stop making us settle for tall darkies like natrimia, she’s a boy already. Please its an appeal. Ah yes those lovers that have made it a fairytale i applaud your efforts but he is sleeping with his ‘bestie’. To those unnecesary boys that leak nudes spoiling the market for connoiseurs STOP THAT SHIT DONT BE A BITCH,leave it in 2013 and grow up. To my nigerian females that have embraced feminism and pseudo lesbianism in place of lovers, even rabbits spoil. To my fellow Nigerians that embraced the strike and the fat that comes along with it well done oh and welcome to the fatfam movement *wiggles*.The drama this year for me has been like a movie but like all good pornos must come to an end, the road was a tad sticky but i moved on(HEY ASA AKIRA). I am greatful for all my friends i love you guys except tony, you make it worth knowing you and nothing can replace the laughs (i accept cash gifts) . Life is never as rosy as i make it seem, people have real problems amd you never know what the next person is going through. The least you can do for any stranger or friend is put a smile on his /her face. *sigh* Natrimia drop the rophynol. Just try to enjoy life this new year,its not your call to judge, leave it for the big guy.””2013 has come and gone, undoubtedly to the chagrin of the mayans. Twas the season of laughter, open letters and leaked nudes. It was also the season for astounding human daftness. One year is a long time, we’ve all loved, lost and in the case of onose sold our souls for porn.When the year began, it was greeted with the annual new year new me crap. “”HOHOHO? no the new year wont reset your body count😒””90% of people made new year resolutions, 80% of them forgot the resolutions after new year moi moi. The remaining 10% smoked weed and slept. This being said, I do hope you join me to encourage temisan to join the fit fam movement. …..nigga can barely see his pen……. moving on.” ” 😱””Undeniably some of us have grown, some of us also have little or no common sense and will almost definitely enter 2014 as daft as dodo. I pray for those of you (Tony), may the good lord grant you the common sense to avoid light skinned curvers.There are too many highlights so let’s start by opening one can of harp and throwing shallats. ““ please stop speaking bini 😓““Shallat to all the voltrons and lol’ers Shallat to the people that rt all thier mentions into other people’s tlsShallat to all the single decent ladies out there; Kim Kardashian has gotten a ring *shakes tambourine* . She’s engaged (and I’m not talking about her mouth) to kanye West“”Pause”. “Since he’s yeezus, that pretty much makes her the holy grail. …..no? Alrigh, moving on. In closely related news, aunty tiwa has a ring“ *audience bursts into a raucous applause* .“do you even know what raucous means? “”Shallat to all the people that have been shown something, I hope you liked it””WE DEY””Shallat to the people that borrowed clothes for instagram. Enough shallats, lets go to the issue that dominated half of the year. ASUU strike. …. at first we were all grateful for the rest, but then we all got tired. It’s over now and frankly I expected it to end with a little more pomp and pageantry than the usual broadcast messages. Please let us leave the bc’s in 2013 eh, thank you. Once more, fiyonce (my gateman is hausa) showed everyone who is king. Seventeen videos and one album…..no prior notice. Your Nigerian rappers are throwing parties to announce lyrics of one song. It is well, we keep growing. 2013 has come and gone, we are grateful for all at the end. …. RIP to all the souls we lost this year; Susan ‘goldie’ harvey, Paul Walker, and the great Nelson Mandela and many more. May God grant them rest. Dabard out….” “As I write this, R. Kelly’s I Wish plays in my head via my earphones though and I’m just here thinking… Lol. Nothing really. This isn’t one of those reads where the writer would link the song playing in his head to what he’s about to write for “deepness”. Sorry ._.Thing is, I’m really skeptical about writing this. Why ? Because you may get bored or feel its the saddest of all three….tales. Still reading ? Okay, leggo. Everything before July 1 is a blur really. Now, 2013 kicked off for me like every other year (as far as I could remember) had. That is, I just shrugged and entered the year. No resolutions or anything. I just wanted to end The Drought. And improve my grades. Before i could say “box” it was March. Smh. April/May thereabouts I marked the 1st anniversary of the day I copped my first heartbreak ontop babe wey I no date sef. (Real tear fall out own eye 😢). June came and I had a new neighbour. A mother of a two year old kid. I thought she had a nice ass and that she would take preek well too but who was I kidding. A mother? She won’t look at me that way at all . Boy was I mistaken. One month to 2nd semester exams and I wasnt ready *kevin hart voice*, I prayed to God for help , and help came. Through ASUU. Yes. Through ASUU. Come and beat me 😒. I was the happiest man in the world. Few weeks later ,my birthday. Turned up with people ✌✌. Just two guys actually but Temisan understands…””Bastard”. “I was chilling with the strike. While niggas were hoping it would end soon, I was praying it lasted a long time. Again, my prayers were answered. Everyone gave up and went home while I stayed behind to get lucky (I sang that smh). I made friends with this hot female neighbour of mine who was older with about 2/3 years. I cannot thank ASUU enough for her. Just when we were enjoying the ‘friendship’, she had to move out. Real tear fall out own eye again. Her moving out coincided with the new female neighbour with a 2 year old kid making passes at me. Found out Neighbour 1, before she moved out, told Neighbour 2, that my pr.. no, pen… no. My manhood yeah. …that my manhood is big >_>”.”slime smh”.” To this day, i’m at a loss as to how she came across such information. But cutting a long story short, it was a traumatic experience. You don’t want a not-rich MILF chasing you tbh. I had to go back home and that what was when with ASUU’s 3 months assistance, my addiction to Twitter entered another realm. I won’t even fight it. The site is pure trips. If there’s one thing I can hold on to and say i learnt this year, it is, this country we live in <<< . Only the best (or lucky) make it. I'm carrying this at the back of my mind as I enter 2014 A.D. wish me luck ✌. This shout out just goes out to Dre and Temisan. Two filthy dogs smh. This one goes out to the female specimen who sent me nudes this year 🚶🚶This one goes to Eminem and J.cole and Lady Gaga (if you know woddai mean). This one, to the mad men and women who follow me on twitter. Still with me ? Fam, Danke. For those who left midway I honestly don't know how they gonna enter 2014 with such impatient behaviour smh. And just as I put finishing touches to this piece, PHCN retrieves my electricity. What is this Nigerian life ?.
God bless you and have a wonderful new year,ugh tony drop the lotion . Happy new year guys. 😉"y u do dis😢".
All typos are intentional.
Temisan on Hey 2014 BFG on Hey 2014 jaemecarter on Hey 2014 vanessah on Hey 2014 TheNatrimia on Hey 2014