Hey 2014

“Fifty two weeks and none of you could take it upon yourselves to buy me a bottle of vodka? Or at least take away this virginity? Damn shame, have to blame pharrel for this insomnia. The year has been unreal and no I’m not high typing this you stupid boy. ” “That na word oh!” “Its been a wonderful year for music, upcoming artists I DONT MEAN YOU. born sinner will forever be blessed. The rest albums are best left in the recycle bin sorry kanye . On the issue of curving and light skinned girls, you guys really have to stop.  We thirst because we care, stop curving innocents, reply your messages, stop making us settle for tall darkies like natrimia, she’s a boy already. Please its an appeal. Ah yes those lovers that have made it a fairytale i applaud your efforts but he is sleeping with his ‘bestie’. To those unnecesary boys that leak nudes spoiling the market for connoiseurs STOP THAT SHIT DONT BE A BITCH,leave it in 2013 and grow up. To my nigerian females that have embraced feminism and pseudo lesbianism in place of lovers, even rabbits spoil. To my fellow Nigerians that embraced the strike and the fat that comes along with it well done oh and welcome to the fatfam movement *wiggles*.The drama this year for me has been like a movie but like all good pornos must come to an end, the road was a tad sticky but i moved on(HEY ASA AKIRA). I am greatful for all my friends i love you guys except  tony, you make it worth knowing you and nothing can replace the laughs (i accept cash gifts)  . Life is never as rosy as i make it seem, people have real problems amd you never know what the next person is going through. The least you can do for any stranger or friend is put a smile on his /her face. *sigh* Natrimia drop the rophynol. Just try to enjoy life this new year,its not your call to judge, leave it for the big guy.””2013 has come and gone, undoubtedly to the chagrin of the mayans. Twas the season of laughter, open letters and leaked nudes. It was also the season for astounding human daftness.  One year is a long time,  we’ve all loved, lost and in the case of onose sold our souls for porn.When the year began, it was greeted with the annual new year new me crap. “”HOHOHO? no the new year wont reset your body count😒””90% of people made new year resolutions, 80% of them forgot the resolutions after new year moi moi. The remaining 10% smoked weed and slept. This being said,  I do hope you join me to encourage temisan to join the fit fam movement. …..nigga can barely see his pen……. moving on.” ” 😱””Undeniably some of us have grown, some of us also have little or no common sense and will almost definitely enter 2014 as daft as dodo. I pray for those of you (Tony),  may the good lord grant you the common sense to avoid light skinned curvers.There are too many highlights so let’s start by opening one can of harp and throwing shallats. ““ please stop speaking bini 😓““Shallat to all the voltrons and lol’ers Shallat to the people that rt all thier mentions into other people’s tlsShallat to all the single decent ladies out there; Kim Kardashian has gotten a ring *shakes tambourine* . She’s engaged (and I’m not talking about her mouth) to kanye West“”Pause”.  “Since he’s yeezus, that pretty much makes her the holy grail. …..no? Alrigh,  moving on. In closely related news,  aunty tiwa has a ring“ *audience bursts into a raucous applause* .“do you even know what raucous means? “”Shallat to all the people that have been shown something,  I hope you liked it””WE DEY””Shallat to the people that borrowed clothes for instagram. Enough shallats, lets go to the issue that dominated half of the year.  ASUU strike. …. at first we were all grateful for the rest, but then we all got tired.  It’s over now and frankly I expected it to end with a little more pomp and pageantry than the usual broadcast messages. Please let us leave the bc’s in 2013 eh, thank you.  Once more,  fiyonce (my gateman is hausa) showed everyone who is king. Seventeen videos and one album…..no prior notice.  Your Nigerian rappers are throwing parties to announce lyrics of one song. It is well, we keep growing.  2013 has come and gone, we are grateful for all at the end. …. RIP to all the souls we lost this year; Susan ‘goldie’ harvey, Paul Walker,  and the great Nelson Mandela and many more. May God grant them rest. Dabard out….” “As I write this, R. Kelly’s I Wish plays in my head via my earphones though and I’m just here thinking… Lol. Nothing really. This isn’t one of those reads where the writer would link the song playing in his head to what he’s about to write for “deepness”. Sorry ._.Thing is, I’m really skeptical about writing this. Why ? Because you may get bored or feel its the saddest of all three….tales. Still reading ? Okay, leggo.  Everything before July 1 is a blur really. Now, 2013 kicked off for me like every other year (as far as I could remember) had. That is, I just shrugged and entered the year. No resolutions or anything. I just wanted to end The Drought. And improve my grades. Before i could say “box” it was March. Smh. April/May thereabouts I marked the 1st anniversary of the day I copped my first heartbreak ontop babe wey I no date sef. (Real tear fall out own eye 😢). June came and I had a new neighbour. A mother of a two year old kid. I thought she had a nice ass and that she would take preek well too but who was I kidding. A mother? She won’t look at me that way at all .  Boy was I mistaken. One month to 2nd semester exams and I wasnt ready *kevin hart voice*, I prayed to God for help , and help came. Through ASUU. Yes. Through ASUU. Come and beat me 😒. I was the happiest man in the world. Few weeks later ,my birthday. Turned up with people ✌✌. Just two guys actually but Temisan understands…””Bastard”. “I was chilling with the strike. While niggas were hoping it would end soon, I was praying it lasted a long time. Again, my prayers were answered. Everyone gave up and went home while I stayed behind to get lucky (I sang that smh). I made friends with this hot female neighbour of mine who was older with about 2/3 years. I cannot thank ASUU enough for her. Just when we were enjoying the ‘friendship’, she had to move out. Real tear fall out own eye again. Her moving out coincided with the new female neighbour with a 2 year old kid making passes at me. Found out Neighbour 1, before she moved out, told Neighbour 2, that my pr.. no, pen… no. My manhood yeah. …that my manhood is big >_>”.”slime smh”.” To this day, i’m at a loss as to how she came across such information. But cutting a long story short, it was a traumatic experience. You don’t want a not-rich MILF chasing you tbh. I had to go back home and that what was when with ASUU’s 3 months assistance, my addiction to Twitter entered another realm. I won’t even fight it. The site is pure trips. If there’s one thing I can hold on to and say i learnt this year, it is, this country we live in <<< . Only the best (or lucky) make it. I'm carrying this at the back of my mind as I enter 2014 A.D. wish me luck ✌. This shout out just goes out to Dre and Temisan. Two filthy dogs smh. This one goes out to the female specimen who sent me nudes this year 🚶🚶This one goes to Eminem and J.cole and Lady Gaga (if you know woddai mean). This one, to the mad men and women who follow me on twitter.    Still with me ? Fam, Danke. For those who left midway I honestly don't know how they gonna enter 2014 with such impatient behaviour smh.  And just as I put finishing touches to this piece, PHCN retrieves my electricity. What is this Nigerian life ?.
God bless you and have a wonderful new year,ugh tony drop the lotion . Happy new year guys. 😉"y u do dis😢".
All typos are intentional.
Signed:Temisan,Natrimia,Tony.

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Coochie Diaries Reborn

So the day being our anniversary, i had a pretty special night planned for myself and my girlfriend.. I got home all psyched with a wide ass grin on my face. “Go get dressed,its our anniversary” i tell her… Fast forward the 2 hours she uses to take a shower (Women.. Tsk Tsk)
I’m just out of the shower, still damp, barefoot and wearing only a towel. She’s in the bedroom, in just her bra and panties, searching through the closet looking for something to put on, i come up behind her and wrap my arms around her. We’re standing in front of the mirror, looking into each others eyes through the glass. A smile creeps up on my face. “Happy Anniversary Baby, I Love You” i whisper,  softly pulling her ear lobs with my teeth at the last word.. I lift her hair to the side, so i could nibble against her neck. My right hand moves to cup her left breast. I give it a little squeeze and then start to rub the fabric against her nipple, can feel it grow hard.my lips are hot against her neck,  i notice her stare at me in the mirror “I thought you wanted to eat out?” She asks.. I look up, grinning, “yes.. Yes.. I plan on eating out” I replied with a wink. I slip a finger under the lace of her bra, pulling it down and exposing her hardening nipple. My fingers grasp it. Gently at first, and then with more intensity, i pinch her nipple. I know how this makes her react, she had unwillingly spilled that piece of info a few days earlier.. I knew she would get wet almost instantly. I watch my face in the mirror, her eyes darken with passion, with the promise of deep pleasure…  Her lips aren’t open neither are they shut.. She let out a soft moan.. If i was an olympic sprinter, that moan was the gunshot.
I could feel her trembling,her back was arched,her lips moving but no words were audible. My left arm moved down to push her hips back against my body, pressing my already engorged penis into her lower back. I knew she could feel how hard I was. I continue to kiss and nip at her neck, as if this were merely a brief caress before dinner and not the beginning of me seducing her yet again. I normally like to see how far i could tease her this way, to see how long it takes her to break down. I move my left hand down to the crotch of her panties, slide one finger along the outline of her cunt lips, pressing the fabric in. I can feel the heat and a bit of wetness building “stay home or go out?” I asked, all I heard was a faint “uhuh” I smiled and returned to kissing her neck.. I slip a finger along the waistband, and then slowly put my hand down the front of her panties. I can feel her shiver with anticipation. I relax my grasp on her, giving her one last opportunity to move away, break the spell, reject me. I knew she wouldn’t or couldn’t move, but it was fun to watch. Slowly i trace the same line as before, only this time there is no fabric between her and my fingers. I slip one finger against her clit. Anticipating the gasp and the spasm that always follows, holding her firmly against my body. My dick had swollen immensely, hungry and bold, pressing hard against her back. My finger slipped deeper, sliding easily in her wetness. I look up from kissing her neck to look into her face, reading her need, the need that answered my own deep desires. With one last soft tug on her nipple, i reach around and unhook her bra letting it slide from her shoulders down to the floor. Reluctantly my finger slides back up, past her throbbing clit, and i pull my hand from her crotch, hook my fingers in the waistband of her panties and draw them down over her hips and down her lovely legs. They fall to the floor, the last bit of clothing and there she stood naked before me in the mirror. Gently i turn her around to face me, put my arms around her waist, and kiss her hungrily Breaking the kiss, i lift her in my arms and carry her the few feet to our bed, lay her down and stretch out just beside , as my towel drops to the floor. She reached down to touch my dick, “No” I stopped her. Kissing her once on the mouth, i lower my head to her hard nipples, moving from one to the other nibbling, leaving each one cold and wet until i return once again. My hand glides down her belly, tracing her pierced belly button in passing, and moving down to her fountain. My fingers once again slip between her lips, feeling the hot wetness that i had caused. a second finger in now, feeling my way to that one little spot. I find and rub that spot, moving only the fingers inside of her. I look up to watch her body writhe and her face told me everything. I couldn’t stop the quick smile on my face . I could feel the contractions of her cunt begin around my fingers. I shift my body again so that my mouth hovers over her cunt. With my hands i gently disclose my goal. My tongue darts out, flicking at her engorged clit. I grin with enjoyment at how she squirms under my efforts. I tuck her legs under my arms and grab a hold of her ass to keep her from squirming away altogether, pinning her under me. I start to stroke her clit with my tongue, long slow licks up, and slithery side to side licks down. Over and over. Hearing her uneven breathing, i stop for a moment to let her catch her breath. “Okay?” I asked looking up. She gave me a nod and a grin.. That was all I needed. I slip two fingers back in her, i wasn’t done yet.. Finally with my licking and stroking, I felt her body go tense,i  could feel her cumming. I kept at it,licking,flicking until i heard her cry out.. Her juices on my face and tongue.. I lay beside her,she obviously was exhausted.. “As soon as she recovers, she’s mounting me like a glorious trophy” I thought to myself.. But for now, knowingly, i hold her in my arms knowing the real fire hasnt been started yet.

@chukkietweets

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2012 in review

I am the writer that 2012 deserves ,but didn’t get because blogging is gay and I stumbled upon a vagina *mutters to self*.
Well hello sexy people and Igbo men, yes Uche I’m talking to you . 2012 has been the most exciting year for me ,don’t know about you (don’t care). Young undergraduate single and searching (horny)

***

What he actually means is, those ‘a y’all brothers, who are operantly conditioned to blogging, are gay. My apologies if you suffer such deformity.
In a few hours, 2012 will become history. We slaves, (except i the Plantation master) have already started wishing each other, “happy new year” in advance. We do this not because we are sure of anything, but because we believe we will see the new year whether ‘the enemy’ likes it or not, to borrow a popular refrain.
In no time, 2012 has come and is virtually gone. When we entered this year, we did so with high hopes, just as we’re doing now with the approach of 2013. Seeing as the slaves i follow on twitter have already begun to praise 2013 for kicking 2012′s ass in advance. Amen.
Temisan : new year,same bull 3-| .

Now, it came to pass in the year 2012 AD, disappointments, gratification, deaths, miraculous recoveries from illness, CGPA declination(this 1 plenty), CGPA restoration, Promises, Failures and what not.

Personally , I lost three things this year. 1) Friendship. 2) Money. Virginity is not the third one, thank you :)
Temisan : #TeamJuicing
Zaar: shut up . Please .
2012 opened my eyes to the manifestation that is death. Its an inevitable something but i’m not here to remind you of that.

A lot has happened this year.

“Let’s highlight a few”.

Do you know that a lot of Nollywood artistes recorded and released songs to the general public this year but two sent unfortunate brothers to the operation tables of Audiologists {ear doctors} (for my dumb folk) ?
Do you know that nudes were leaked this year by slaves and have thus spoilt the market for others ? You don’t know ? Shii, it casted as far as East Africa.
Temisan : spoilt just your market (.ʃ⌣ƪ)
Tony: ………..
I err..got this east african sweetheart, and I asked her to send nudes and beach(bitch) bluntly refused. Of course she’s on nigerian twitter, the government we have there (twitter elites) as some of you prefer to call it, haven’t set up an immigration department yet. It worries me .

Perhaps, you also know that with this year, came the advent of dating someone who’s not your boyfriend/girlfriend ? You won’t understand.

Temisan : really ? Really ? *sigh* _|¯|o

Do you also know that, a nigerian artiste, right-hand man of an accomplished music producer in Nigeria cum lap-dog of an american hiphop act who loves G.O.O.D music organised a ‘concert’ in a ‘beach’, slapped a (100$) price on snapping a picture with one of the performers and also ‘compelled’ the ticket owners to trek at night under the stars ?? There’s no pun here.
My heart-felt condolences to the star trekkers.
Zaar : couldn’t resist could you ?
Tony : (¬_¬)
Now let’s put our Beloved country in review. Nigeria, is a country with issues and i’m not just saying it. You know. Y’all know. So,
Do you know that Dame Pepe’s husband removed a subsidy that wasn’t there in the first place this year ? *pauses to loud thoughts of “ah ees true o, aahhh”* i know, i know. Seems so far away.
Do you also know that a plane crash few days ago in Bayelsa killed a northern governor, a retired general and two other soldier passengers and while the former two were eulogised by dignitaries far and wide the relatives of the other two found out about their deaths via NTA news ??
Temisan : WAIT WHAT ? :’O

Do you as well know that a Rev Sis. in a western state of Nigeria put her fingers into the vaginas of her female students to find out if they were virgins without permission and all she got was a rap on the knuckles ?
Temisan : *attempts pun ,fails*

Do you know as well that Private Universities now spring up everywhere by bribing NUC officials for license ? Which enables such happenings such as the Chancellor of Madonna University beating a student with a stick on the head for “looking at his car with an evil eye”.
Do you know that Covenant Varsity(high school ) promoted four professors ?

Temisan: leave those people alone _|¯|o

Tony : LOL.

Moving on, Whenever a new year approaches like this, we make resolutions; whether we keep them or not is a different ball game.

Temisan: segshuuuaaaaaaaaalll…
Zaar : we don’t!hoes stay hoes!
Tony : behave (¬_¬)
2012 was beautiful , the music ,the parties, the friends I made,those I lost ,the drugs( for malaria) and the failed exams. Made the year so worth it.
In conclusion, life goes on….
2013 or 2014 or 3000, the earth stays spinning on its axis and revolving around the sun
The years are just markers to number your days and milestones.

Temisan : walking a mile with stones -milestones

2013 will come and go. Those who will be privileged to witness it in its entirety will be ushered through new twists and turns in the human experience; the good, the bad and the ugly.
Will more slaves hustle to take pictures with davido in bed?
Well ladies and gentlemen, grab your popcorn, sit back and relax(I know y’all have nothing better to do) and enjoy the ride.
From the 3 of us here , this is Temisan,Tony and Zaar wishing you all a happy new year .
Rip Ogaga,Cleopatra and Angela.

*all typos are intentional*

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The Kiss..

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THE ROMANTIC KISS A Definition?? First, let’s consider what we do when we kiss; we kiss when we lock lips with other person or maybe just apply our lips to any other relevant/accessible part of their body. But what a … Continue reading

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just another question

If the international price of petrol (PMS) is 94 cents per litre and the exchange rate of 1 USD to the naira is 150 naira.
Therefore 94 cents is equal to 141 naira per litre which is the current cost of petrol in Nigeria.
The US dollar $ is a stable international currency unlike our WEAK national currency. The naira has depreciated and devalued from 82 kobo to 1$ in 1984 to 150 naira= 1 $ in 2011.
What if our naira is further devalued to 200 naira per dollar in the next few years? What will be the cost of petrol in Nigeria??!!
Amah

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insomnia

The picture is totally unrelated to what  wanna write..been up since 7 and sleep still evades me.if it were the first time  would be surprised but come ON who blogs around 1:42:02 AM ? Temisan does..insomnia ends up ruining my day before it even starts but thanks to ASUU proud supporters of NFA’s  can afford to sleep till whenever \..(•͡.̮ •͡ )../¯ ..so what does someone do around 1:43:28 AM ? ’d read a book but…u know how it is with internet and porn and tv and porn and games and porn * no comments* so lemme leave y’all alone and find what to do with my night ;) don’t wait up *literally* DONT

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So true

EVERY GIRL SHOULD READ THIS!
WRITTEN BY A GUY.. Girls need to
realize: We guys don’t care if you talk
to other guys. We don’t care if you’re
friends with other guys. But when
you’re sitting next to us, and some
random guy walks into the room and
you jump up and tackle him,without
even introducing us,yeah, it pisses us
off. It doesn’t help if you sit there and
talk to him for ten minutes without
even acknowledging the fact that
we’re still there. We don’t care if a guy
calls>OR TEXTS< you, but at 2 in the
morning we do get a little
concerned.Nothing is that important
at 2 a.m.That it can't wait till the
morning. Also, when
we tell you you're pretty/beautiful/
gorgeous/cute/stunning, we freaking
mean it.Don't tell us we're
wrong.We'll stop trying to convince
you.The sexiest thing about a girl is
confidence. Yeah, you can quote me.
Don't be mad when we hold the door
open. Take Advantage of the mood im
in. Let us pay for you! dont 'feel bad'
We enjoy doing it. It's expected. Smile
and say "thank you. Kiss us when no
one's watching. If you kiss us when
you know somebody's looking, we'll
be more impressed. You don't have to
get dressed up for us. If we're going
out with you in the first place, you
don't have to feel the need to wear
the shortest skirt you have or put on
every kind of makeup you own. We
like you for who you are and not what
you are. Honestly, i think a girl looks
more beautiful when she's just in her
pj's. or my tshirt and boxers, not all
dolled up. Don't take everything we
say seriously. Sarcasm is a beautiful
thing. See the beauty in it. Don't get
angry easily. Stop using magazines/
media as your bible. Don't talk about
how hott Chris Brown, Brad Pitt, or
Jesse McCartney is in front of us. It's
boring, and we don't care. You have
girlfriends for that. Whatever
happened to the word
"handsome'/'beautiful' i'd be utterly
stunned by agirl who greeted me
with 'Hey handsome!' instead of 'Hey
baby/stud/cutie/sexy' or whatever
else you canthink of. On the other
hand im not sayin iwouldnt like it
ether. Girls, I cannotstress this
enough: if you aren't being treated
right by a guy, dont wait for him to
change!!! Ditch his sorry butt/disgrace
to the male population and find
someone who will treat you with
utter respect Someone who will honor
your morals. Someone who will make
you smile when you're at your lowest.
Someone who will care for you even
when you make mistakes. Someone
who will love you, no matter how bad
you make them feel. Someone who
will stop what they're doing just to
look you in the eyes….and say 'i love
you' ..and actually mean it. Give the
nice guys a chance.Life is too short to
complain about everything that
comes your way so stop and smell the
roses in life because you might never
have another time to take it, so take
your time because they are all
different in every way, so take
chances in life, if it doesn't work out

then fine, there are always more roses
to smell

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